Some Hearts Are Diamonds
by LuckyStar815
Summary: Of all Edward's New Moon days, this day was going to be the hardest. Valentine's Day.


**A/N: This story is my V-Day present for Jezzeria. Honey, I cannot call you my Valentine (unless you decide to change teams), but at least I can give you a part of me. I love you and I really hope this shit will make you a little happier today! It's my version of things that were left behind the scenes in New Moon, EPOV. **

**Allysue is my beta queen.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's books are pure gold and diamonds. I'm just a counterfeit.**

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**SOME HEARTS ARE DIAMONDS**

_Music: Tears of the ocean - Keiko Matsui_

The hotel room was dark. The night didn't bring the coolness and the air was heavy and humid. It would be hard to breathe if I needed it. But of course, I did not.

It was one of those nights when I wished I was able to sleep. My mind was tired of everything. Of this five star hotel where everything was impersonal and sterile, of this city with millions of voices that muffled each other in my head, and of my continuous fruitless efforts to stop thinking of someone I dared not care about anymore. But yet, I was sure that if I could have dreams, they all would be about her.

It was almost five months since I'd left Bella, but it still felt like it was only yesterday, because nothing in the way I felt had changed much. Every little thing reminded me of her. There was her touch in the hot air, her breath in the sound of an ocean and her scent in the blossomed gardens. My happiness was fleeting, and I cherished the memory of it because I couldn't take Bella's life, but I could take the memory of her into eternity.

My life before her was like an old black and white movie. Plain and boring, but could be entertaining sometimes. But when she came, she brought the colors with her. And when she was gone, everything went black and white again. Same old movie, but without the colors it had become impossible to enjoy it anymore. Sometimes in the depth of my desperation, I thought it would be better if we'd never met, if I hadn't tasted this forbidden fruit of love and had never known there were colors besides black and white. I had tried to erase her from my mind, to live as if she'd never existed. But it was a torture to know I'd never see her face again and a pleasure to see it in my imagination. And the truth was, I didn't want to live like I did before, I needed to _feel_ this sweetest pain, and the possibility to lose it one day, like I'd lost almost all my human memories, was appalling. _Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget._

Of all the days I have had after Bella, this day was going to be the hardest. Valentine's Day. There was a little relief that I was away from my family and didn't need to witness their happiness and make them fell guilty of having the only thing I could not gain. But the rapturous thoughts of random people would be difficult to ignore, they would blow my mind and deepen the hole in my chest where my heart once had been.

I stood by the window and watched the sun rise in Rio. It was partially cloudy and I hoped for the rain, because today I wanted to take a stroll. First, it was easier to distract myself from hearing people in crowded places, where individual voices were hardly audible, and second, I needed to escape from this purgatory of a room, which made me even more insane than I already was.

Christ the Redeemer watched me from the top of the mountain. I didn't count how many times I'd asked him: _how could you allow the existence of __creatures like us in the first place?_ _What have I done to deserve the age of loneliness?_ Because even though I had killed people, it was in the name of Justice. But of course, how dare I administer Justice. _How could I expiate my fault_? It was ridiculous, because I didn't have a soul to save. I envied him. We were both immortal, but in the opposite ways. I was condemned to drag out my miserable existence of a soulless stone, while he was immaterial and belonged to a higher world. Of course, he never replied to me. He just stood there, his arms always open for a hug, an eternal promise of forgiveness and salvation.

By noon, I was already exhausted hearing the minds of the hotel stuff and guests. It seems that _sex_ was the topic of the day. It was a bit annoying, but it was better than _feelings_ or _love_. Maybe I shouldn't expect humans to think like the members of my family did on that day. I wondered what Bella was thinking at that moment. She must have been at school, bored with something. Did she decide to go on with her life? Did anyone call her his Valentine today? I had wished her to be happy with someone human and warm, but the vision of her kissing another man made me cringe. I growled in frustration.

Thankfully, it finally poured. Dark clouds covered the sky and heavy raindrops started to fall. I left my den and went outside. If not for the heat, I'd think I was back in Forks, for the rain has always reminded me of home. I took the cab and told the driver to take me to the shore. It was the absolute perfect symphony, the sounds that the raindrops made colliding with the water, mixed with the song of the waves. It was the only music I've wanted to hear since I left. And the ocean always had a calming effect on me, even in such weather it still was the most beautiful thing. The _next_ most beautiful thing.

If I was going to survive that day, I needed another distraction. The rain subsided, and I decided to go back to town. I was also curious, if there was at least one person who actually thought about love today. I was masochistic in some way, but I wanted to be infused with empathizing, to share the joy. There were people in coffee shops, there were couples kissing, and I could tell some of them were really happy, but I couldn't catch the glimpse of a feeling that would be somehow close to what my parents had for each other and what I had for Bella.

When the rain started again, I entered the big department store. No sight of love was on the minds of people involved with last minute shopping. _Of course_, when you love someone, you know what you want to give them long before the date. I sighed, because Bella never wanted me to buy her presents. It was unfair, but in the last analysis, it was for the better because I would have had to take them all back from her anyway.

And then I heard it. A girl's voice that stood out from the crowd. _How beautiful and lonely you are_, she thought. _I wish I could feel your cold in my hand, I wish I could warm you up_.

I shuddered. How was it even possible? I started frantically searching around, I tried to concentrate on the voice, to locate where she was, until I saw it in her mind. The girl was standing at the window of an over expensive jewelry store. And of course, she wasn't talking to me. Her eyes were on a big heart-shaped diamond pendant. Her stare was intense. So full of admiration and fascination, and so full of _love_. If I looked at it, I'd only see a gemstone, but she saw more than that. There were sparkles, and rainbows, and beauty, no, more than just beauty—harmony. When lights reflected from myriads of its facets, it dazzled her. _I can hear your soul sings,_ she whispered. It was impossible, stones didn't have souls. I knew it for I was just like that. The diamond was hard and cold, like the representation of my own silent heart. But this girl believed there must have been an inner source of light, because she could somehow feel it, and for her it was _living_. And if _this_ heart was the only thing worthy of love in this city, then maybe _mine_ was not too hopeless? The realization struck me that although I had never heard Bella's mind, I knew she also believed there was something behind my stone-cold façade, and she loved me and adored me so much that maybe it _was possible_ that I was not that ugly, after all?

I wanted to see the girl's face, so I rushed to the store, but when I reached there, she was already gone. And in the central show-window I saw it. The perfectly shaped diamond heart. And the next second, I knew I had to give it to Bella. The urge was irrational and selfish, because I had to be responsible and I couldn't put her life into danger again, and because five months were long enough for her to find someone more worthy of her love. But if there was one little chance that she would still love me, I had to try it. I just knew that there was no other way, and there never would be.

The phone in my jeans started vibrating, but I didn't answer. I would listen to Alice's buzz later.

I signed a check and put the box with my treasure to the left side pocket of my shirt. It felt so good there, calming down the throbbing hole in my chest. I wanted to run to the airport and take the nearest plane to the States, but I stopped myself. There were arrangements to be done before I met Bella. I couldn't save her from myself, but at least I could deal with the others of my kind.

I had to hunt down Victoria.

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**A/N: Yes, this is where the heart he gave her in Eclipse came from. Sort of. **

**This was the hardest thing I had ever written, because SM's writing style was not even close to my own (and also because I had to do it without using a single F-word).**

**A link to De Beers Diamond Solitaire Heart Pendant is on my profile. Happy Valentine's Day! **


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